You have to read this

I was looking for relevant quotes for stillbirth and infant loss today. In my search I came across this blog and started reading it a bit. It's written by a woman, Lauren, who gave birth to her son, Jonathan, 4 months ago. Her son was born with T13 and lived for 40 minutes. In this post (http://jonathansbabyjournal.blogspot.com/2010/02/more-about-last-weeks-opportunity.html) she talks about a build-a-bear teddy that was given to her by a nurse. For Christmas her husband added a recording of Jonathan's heart beat into the bears chest and a recording of their daughter saying "I love you Jonathan! I miss you!" into the bear's hand. There are no words to describe how special this bear must be to Lauren. Part of me is so jealous that she has this. So envious. It pains me that I don't have anything like this of Benjamin. Sure I have his photos and things that he physically touched. But to have a reminder of him alive would be such a treasure. When I was pregnant with Lexi I recorded her heartbeat so that I could share it with family and friends. Part of me knew that I was also doing it 'just in case'. I also wanted so desperately to go to one of those 3D ultrasound places so that I could get a video of her ultrasound. But it was expensive and I felt like that would be putting too much belief in her not being born alive. Like that would be jinxing things. Silly.

But to have that bear with Benjamin's heart beat...