Monday, November 7, 2011

Just a quick statistical blurb

This really surprised me.

The year Benjamin was born there were 44,707 babies born in British Columbia. Of those 431 were stillborn (20+ weeks gestation); only 1% of pregnancies in BC in 2008 had such a tragic ending. Of these 431 stillborn babies, 127 were ‘late gestational losses’; babies that were stillborn at greater than 28 weeks. That means that Benjamin was one of only 0.3% of babies lost at this age. Point three. Seems small. But that is seven full kindergarten classes (average class size for 2010/11 was 18 kids per class). Seven full classes. Suddenly 0.3% doesn’t seem so small.

It amazes me now that people believe it will not happen to them; their baby will be born okay. And chances are good that that will be true. But now I know better. I can never be one of those wonderfully naive pregnant women. Because I know that to be one of the families who it does happen to is to live an unimaginable horror. You should never outlive your child. You should never hold your 6 pound, 3 ounce baby boy and know the only life he had was when he was cradled in your belly. People do not talk about Stillbirth; about babies dying. It is sad. Believe me, I know that. But the thing that is sadder is that no one wants to talk about it. My baby died. I will never get to be a proud mommy beaming at him over his accomplishments; hearing people tell me what a fantastic little boy he is. I never get to talk about him because to talk about him is to talk about a silent topic; a topic people would rather avoid. Most other bereaved parents I know want to talk about their babies. We want to be able to tell people how beautiful they were. How cherished they are. How loved they will be forever. We want to be able to include them in the ‘how many children do you have’ answer. Every time I have to say I have just two children a little piece of my heart breaks. It is true. I do only have two children. But I have had three babies. I have had three amazing little beings that take my breath away every time I think about them. Sadly only two of them are in my arms every day. But all three are in my heart every day.

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